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25 Fortune Cookie Sayings You Can’t Help but Laugh At

Morgan Cutolo

By Morgan Cutolo

Updated on Dec. 09, 2022

Some fortune cookie sayings will leave you with wise, inspiring words. Some will leave you laughing so much that you cry.

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Fortune cookie sayings that are sure to make you laugh

You expect to get wise words of wisdom when you crack open a fortune cookie, but sometimes the words will make you burst out laughing instead. We’ve gathered some of the funniest fortune cookie sayings that will have you in tears. If you’re looking for something a little more inspirational, check out these stories of times fortune cookies literally changed people’s lives.

For image: Blessed are the children for they shall inherit the national debt.
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Pass on the debt

They truly are blessed. Make sure you also read through these funny quotes.

For image: You are about to become $10.95 poorer (8.95 if you had the buffet).
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Buffet discount

At least it’s an honest fortune. Here are some quarantine quotes that are actually pretty funny.

For image: When in anger, sing the alphabet.
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A, B, C, D…

Something we all need to try in moments of anger.

For image: If you eat something and nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories.
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No calories

I’ve never heard such wise words. Check out these punny newspaper headlines.

For image: The fortune you seek is in another cookie.
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Next cookie

I’m not going to complain about that. More cookies for me. These funny drinking quotes will make you spit out your drink.

Fortune cookie with printing messed up so that you can only read the word "fail" and the rest is cut off.
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Fail

Quite literally a fail. Check out these funny sayings that are definitely worth memorizing.

For image: To truly find yourself you should play hide and seek alone.
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Hide and seek

Not sure that is going to help me solve my life problems, but I’ll try. Make sure to memorize these hilarious comebacks to use the next time you need one.

For image: Come back later...I am sleeping (yes, cookies need sleep too).
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Tired fortune

We all need sleep. Check out these unfortunate typos you won’t believe were printed.

For image: It could be better, but it's good enough.
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Good enough

I guess I can settle for good enough. These funny mom quotes will have you cry-laughing.

For image: It would be best to maintain a low profile for now.
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Low profile

Why? Who’s after me? Don’t forget to check out these hilarious cookie puns.

For image: Pass the bill to the person on your right.
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Not your bill

If you say so.

For image: As long as you don't sign up for anything new, you'll do fine.
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Nothing new

That is a risk I’m willing to take.

For image: Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn.
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On fire

They’re not going to step in to help me? I’ll be less enthusiastic then.

For image: Don't panic.
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Stay calm

Well, now I’m panicking.

For image: Error 404: Fortune not found
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Fortune not found

I demand a new cookie then.

For image: Ask not what your fortune cookie can do for you but what you can do for your fortune cookie.
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JFKookie

What can one do for a fortune cookie exactly?

For image: You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.
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Standout noodle

Is this a compliment? I can’t tell. Make sure you never follow these hilarious pieces of bad advice.

For image: I see money in your future...it is not yours though.
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Rich future

I’ll take their future instead of mine.

For image: Ignore previous cookie.
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Last cookie

But, I liked the fortune I got.

For image: Enjoy yourself while you can.
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Enjoy life now

Is that a threat?

For image: You love Chinese food.
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Foodie

You are correct. It’s amazing how spot-on fortune cookie sayings can be.

Only listen to fortune cookies. Disregard all other fortune telling units.
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One type of fortune

I guess I should ignore the Magic 8 ball from this morning.

For image: If you think we're going to sum up your whole life on this little piece of paper you're crazy.
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Little paper

You could have tried. Read through these beautiful proverbs from around the world.

For image: When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out—because that's what's inside.
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Orange juice

Maybe there’s a deeper meaning here?

For image: If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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Car loan

Your loan company cares about you more than anybody. These funny fortune cookie sayings probably left you laughing. Now, gain some real wisdom with these life-changing quotes.

Author
Morgan Cutolo
Morgan has written dozens of lifestyle articles for Reader's Digest, covering quirky facts, trivia, memes and humor. She is a former editor at Reader's Digest and Trusted Media Brands. In her free time, she likes exploring the seacoast near her home in Maine and snuggling on the couch with her corgi, Eggo, to read a good book or watch The Office.
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Morgan Cutolo